Excuse Me?
by LovingLizGillies
Summary: Beck and Jade's text fight in 'Tori Tortures Teacher'. Dirty. Smut. Bade. R&R. Promise you will love it.


**Hey guys, long time no see huh? Haha, I hope everyone is dealing with the pressures of school/university/college/life or enjoying their holiday breaks, wherever you're from around the world. C=**

**Just wanted to write a quick one-shot, seeing as I have been absent from the world of FanFiction for quite a long time now. Anyway, I flicked over the channel to Tori Tortures Teacher today and am always extremely curious and intrigued by Beck and Jade's text fight. Of course, I want it to be something absolutely hilarious and pretty erotic or somewhat sexual orientated haha. So, here's my spin on how the text fight started, what was really said and how the hot mess was resolved.**

**Warning: This is probably going to be highly smutty, so for all of you lovers of smut, you will probably enjoy this.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or the characters presented. I do however, own half of this storyline … yeah, take that Nickelodeon.**

**Excuse Me?**

**Jade's POV.**

My boots made hard flaps against the tiled floor as I made my way out the door to my driveway. Beck pulled up in his truck, seconds later, a lazy grin on his face. I'm glad someone was happy on this horrible, sunny, Monday morning. Why couldn't it be cloudy, chilly and possibly even stormy? No, it had to be something that Vega will probably go on about for a whole class. I was wearing a grey Beatles band tee and a black pleated skirt with my classic combat boots. I could already feel the leather starting to sweat against my calves, God, I hated sweat. I yanked open the passenger door, the bright sunny morning and sweaty boots already putting me in a sour mood.

"Morning sunshine" Beck smiled, leaning in to kiss me. At least I got to kiss this sexy thing. Don't ever tell him I called him that. I leaned towards him also, a short but sweet kiss making me feel fuzzy inside. Don't tell him that either, I don't want his ego any higher than it already is. He started up the truck and backed out of the driveway. I had no idea how he was still wearing his typical plaid shirt over a singlet, with jeans, it was one billion fucking hundred degrees. And don't bother correcting me on my inaccuracy with numbers; I already know that number doesn't exist, cheers Captain Obvious.

"I hate the sun"

"You wouldn't be able to see my beautiful face without it babe" he chuckled, I rolled my eyes. Told you his ego was already high enough.

"Or yours" he added, and I gave him a small, near sarcastic smile. He chuckled again. Although the weather was ridiculous and making me want to throw someone in front of a bus for no real reason besides the unnecessary humidity, we still stopped at the small coffee shop near school.

"Two coffees, both black with two sugars, thanks" Beck smiled politely at the pimple-faced cashier whose bright orange shirt made me want to puke, all over him. He gave me a nerdy smile and I just continued staring at the ferrel thing that was his shirt … and his face but I could deal with that more than the shirt. I was getting impatient, I couldn't stand his fucking shirt for much longer, if our coffee wasn't prepared and handed over in the next five seconds, his shirt wouldn't be a shirt anymore; it would be a montage of disgusting orange pieces upon the bench top.

"Two black, two sugars" Mr. I don't know how to dress myself in appropriate colour schemes chimed and I snatched it off him.

"Change your shirt" was all I said before storming out.

"Jade" Beck sighed,

"What?" I snapped, "Did you not see the shirt?"

"Gank …" Beck muttered.

"EXCUSE ME!?" I screamed, almost throwing my coffee at him but you know, I love coffee and I wanted it.

"You are over-reacting, just because you don't like the colou-"

"Hate, I hate the colour orange" I corrected,

"Hate … the colour orange" he continued exasperatedly, "Doesn't mean other people don't" he tried to reason but I can't help the immature, stubborn side that just battles Beck all the time.

"Well people who like orange are stupid; they also look ridiculous, ugly and a bunch of other similar synonyms"

"Tori looks okay in orange" he said and I froze. That was it. That was the worst thing he could have said to me, ever.

"Excuse me?" I said warningly, I was pissed … actually no, I was beyond pissed. I couldn't explain the level of pissed I was at right now.

"I mean, some people look okay in orange" he tried to correct himself as he slung himself back into his truck. My eyes just glared into his, wide and filled with rage.

"Babe … I didn't mean it li-"

"Go on Beck, just go and fuck her now"

"Jade! What the fuck!? It was just a comment! Oh my God! You get so defensive!"

"Fine! I'll walk!" I screamed, storming away from the truck. I took a sip of my delicious coffee, the only thing I could count on to not tell me how perfect Vega was. Okay, maybe I was over-reacting a tiny, tiny bit. But Beck should know better. Okay I was over-reacting a lot but … still?

"Jade! Get in the truck. Babe. Fuck" he sighed, revving the engine and speeding past me towards school. It's not that I was jealous or anything of Vega, she just irritated me immensely and her bloody hair-flicking all over the bloody place annoyed me and it was so obvious she was hitting on Beck half of the time. There were not many things that pissed Beck off, seriously, he wasn't even raising his voice before, I had to try and irritate him or send him off as much as he does accumulatively. I ripped my phone from my pocket, placing the coffee down for a second and hit 'new message'. I entered Beck's name and my fingers danced across the keypad.

_Yeah, you can go and fuck Vega. Andre is a great fuck anyway. _

I hit send and smiled inwardly. I gripped my coffee and stalked purposefully the last few hundred metres to Hollywood Arts, almost looking forward to the shocked look on Beck's face when he confronted me about the text. What I didn't expect however was twenty metres from the front doors, my phone bleeped with a message from Beck (I had a special message tone for him – yeah don't get all fan-girly).

_**Thanks babe, she gives great handy's, it'd be my pleasure. Literally.**_

I almost dropped my coffee; I didn't manage to catch my dropping jaw though. My eyes narrowed and I stormed inside, the doors flying out around me, everyone scrambling from the psychotic mess I looked. Beck didn't even flinch as he turned around smoothly, satisfied with his text message. I just walked straight past him, worried that if I actually spoke to him I'd end it and I did not want to have to buy another Rotten Weiner, or whatever the fuck those dogs are called. I think that took him a little by surprise, but I decided to get back by texting him just as the bell rang for Sikowitz. I slumped into my seat and hit the send button; he entered sitting beside me as usual until his phone beeped as he sat down. I had texted:

_Well aren't you sweet. Does that mean I don't have to ask your permission the next time Andre fucks me on your bed?_

"Excuse me!? What?!" he said, pointing to his phone. I shrugged angrily as Tori and Andre walked in, gloating their happiness like a person with an ugly fucking facial rash.

_**At least Tori doesn't taste like fish.**_

"WHAT!?" I screamed, now I was angry. I wanted to hit him, over and over."Oh okay, you wanna go there!?"

Tori and Andre then started to speak to us and I couldn't handle it, both Beck and I screamed our responses, both something along the lines of back off. I really should have used the words 'go and fuck a dead camel' but Sikowitz had walked in and I really couldn't afford another detention this term. Beck and I slipped our phones into our pockets, the tension between us almost tangible.

So Tori Vega was a genius. Lol jokes, she has just brought the whole group and Sikowitz to a play about a teacher who hates his life. Good one airhead. But I wasn't going to tell her that I, all along, knew about this. She'd figure it out in time. Beck and I were still text-fighting. He still hadn't spoken to me since the car-ride this morning and our texts had lasted for the majority of the day. I decided to step it up a bit.

_You're pin sized compared to Robbie. Talk about "_fulfilment_". _

I hit the send key as we walked in to the small theatre. He followed close behind as I heard his phone beep and I stood, hovering above my seat.

"Excuse me!? What?!" he said, pointing to his phone.

"You read me" I replied bitterly and he just sighed angrily. We both gave each other a glare as we sat down. The play hadn't started yet but Sikowitz and Tori had gotten into some stupid conversation that probably wasn't relevant to anything at all and was making us say notch in a retarded way. I furrowed my eyebrows, repeating the word with the rest of the poor theatre-goers. The play started and my phone vibrated against my side. I picked it up slowly, careful not to let the light shine for everyone to see I had my phone out.

_**Tori will never look as sexy and beautiful in that skirt as you do, babe. Ever. **_

He was so cheesy. But I couldn't help the smile that ghosted my lips. I looked at him and quickly pecked him on the cheek.

_I know. And, don't worry, Robbie is nowhere near as big as you._

_**Excuse me?**_

_Kidding._

_**You better be.**_

_You're sexy when you're angry._

_**Excuse me, was that Jade West complimenting me in a twisted way?**_

_Don't push it Oliver._

_**I like it when you talk dirty. Love it***_

_Careful._

_**Restroom. Now.**_

_Two minutes? Sikowitz just left, don't want it to look like I care about him._

_**Of course. And, typical.**_

_What's that supposed to mean?_

_**I can't wait that two minutes babe.**_

_You hormonal wreck._

_**Amen. Whatever you want to call me. Save it for later.**_

_I don't like the bathrooms here._

_**So?**_

_So… I don't want to do it in there._

… _**Can we leave now then?**_

_Yes._

Beck shot out of his seat, I almost laughed at how eager he was. Robbie looked stunned beside him as Beck eagerly shimmied past him, myself close behind him. He gripped my hand and dragged me out towards the truck. I felt my back smash against it as Beck's hands slammed my shoulders and travelled hotly and quickly down to my hips. His lips pressed heated kisses to my neck, his breath tickling me also. My hands tangled in his hair as I bought his lips back to mine. He pushed himself against me, the feeling of his body against mine instantly turning me on … but we couldn't do it here. All of my jealousy, all of my bitterness, it was all gone.

"Beck … Beck" I mumbled, trying to get his attention. My hands pushed him gently off me. The gentleness of my touch surprising him. "Wait until we get to the RV".

"Awwww" he whined, playing with my fingers in his hand. I gripped them tighter, and opened the door for him. His little friend was making his pants look uncomfortable on him, but I'm sure they could make it the two minute drive home.

We sped home; literally, it took us about a minute and a half until I was slammed against the wall of the RV. The force turned me on; the feeling of my skirt was irritating me. I tore off Beck's plaid shirt that I loved, peeled off the white singlet of his that I loved, unbuttoned the loose jeans of his that I loved as he tore at my clothing with hunger. I loved him. I don't care how many people label me the cold, hard, jealous, bitchy, sarcastic Goth with the smoking hot boyfriend. I have Beck, Beck has me, I love Beck, Beck loves me, everything is how it is supposed to be. I love everything that he does, the way he kisses me, the way he touches me, the way he says I love you. I love it all. In this moment, I show him that I'm capable of love, of affection, of happiness, of something other than conceit, possessiveness, fury and acrimony, and he is the only one I show that too.

His hands slide down and wrap around my thighs, bringing me over to the bed, our clothes all discarded besides our underwear. His hands tear at them, hot against my skin. His hands move to my, now bare, breasts and massage them. A light moan escapes me as I throw my head back. My hair falls wildly across his plain white pillows, the coconut scent that I love making this experience even better.

"I love you" he moans as he grinds his body slowly against mine.

"I love you too" I whisper as I pull down his underwear. I bite my lip, his eyes look wild and amazing at the same time and he slowly yanks down mine. His member is hot and hard against my thigh and I can feel my body yearning for him inside of me. He looks into my eyes for a second, then closes his and presses his lips against mine in heated kiss. He enters me, the pain and pleasure overwhelming me all at once. We fit each other perfectly, our bodies mould together like clay and I can't get enough of him.

"Jade …" he moans oh so sexily into my ear. The small screams that escape my mouth with each thrust making his breath heavier. My hands tousle in his hair and I arch my back as he slows, making this experience something different. We aren't just having sex, we're making love … it's real. God, I sound so sappy. Leave now before I start talking about the Notebook or something pathetic.

Adios perverts.

**Hope you enjoyed! Please review!**

**Also, tell me what you thought of Opposite Date and Three Girls and a Moose?**

**Did you think Jade kissing Moose at the end was awesome/totally not awesome or you think it has potential to be a good storyline for Beck to FINALLY get jealous? Hahaha.**

**K, love you guys and please review! **

**Xxo. **


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